Though The Bay in Pacific Center already smells like Christmas, most of us aren’t thinking much farther ahead than Halloween. It’s a ‘lite’ holiday. In fact, it’s not even a holiday. As far as work and school are concerned, it’s a day like any other- we are required to show up and do things and be productive. Only we’re supposed to do all of these things either in costumes or anticipating (or dreading) costumes. I’ve not let Halloween invade my life yet. I’ve not listened to Thriller or The Monster Mash. I’ve not racked my brain trying to come up with a clever yet attractive costume idea.
But Halloween burst through my frontal lobe today with such force as I cannot describe. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I was browsing racks at Value Village when this all happened and Value Village, as we all know, is to Halloween as The Bay in Pacific Center is to Christmas.
Three things happened in quick succession to pave the way for Halloween’s invasion of my brain-
1) On the store sound system ‘Your Body is a Wonderland’ was followed by ‘The Time Warp.’ This was not only incongruous but also disturbing. John Mayer should exist only on playlists that also include Jason Mraz and Jack Johnson. That’s where he belongs, try as she might to shed his ‘nice guy’ sweater, try as he might to fit into those douchebag pants. In fact, John Mayer should really only exist on mix cds that you made when you were sure that the best things in life were cute boys, wasted time and Bacardi Breezers but I will allow that he is tolerable when played over a mega-store’s sound system. But not when followed by ‘The Time Warp.’ I don’t know. The whole sequence left me feeling musically violated. It was like Halloween- screeching, snarling, dancing Halloween- snuck into my brain behind innocuous John Mayer.
2) As I dashed to the checkout clutching a Betsey Johnson velvet mini-dress I passed the Value Village costume section and I shouldn’t have but I browsed. Mixed in with all the other slightly ick-tacular ‘sexy’ women’s costumes was a ‘Sexy Raphael’ costume- as in ‘Raphael is cool but rude,’ as in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Yes, this Halloween some lucky man is going to have the great privilege of taking home a sexy ninja turtle. But I think any man who thinks ninja turtles are sexy is a man who is not to be trusted, no? I think that any woman who dresses up as Sexy Raphael for Halloween should be wary of any man who wants to take her home. Same thing goes for men who are attracted to women dressed up as Sexy Spongebob and men who are attracted to women dressed as Snooki.
3) Still clutching a Betsey Johnson crushed velvet mini-dress, I ran out of the store only to be confronted by a man asking me for change while he peeled off his jeans and pulled on a pair of costume pirate pants.
I’ve now got Halloween in my head. I guess it’s time to listen to Thriller.