I’m Sorry, So Sorry, That I Was Such a…

Over the years, I have made an art of apologizing.  Ask Thea who I’ve apologized to no less than 4 times this fall for things that hadn’t offended her in the first place.  I’m a neurotic so I sit around late at night combing my memory for things that I may have done that might have offended people.  It’s what I do. The thing is, I’m always apologizing for the wrong things.  I’m always apologizing for the cosmetic failures- the offences that might make people mad at me but that aren’t the result of flawed motives or ignored values.  Most of the time, the truly rude, offensive and awful things that I say or do are addressed to or occur in front of people who are so used to me behaving like a selfish and stupid brat that I’m in no danger of being alienated.  You could say that I’m strategic about who I say  and do the REALLY offensive stuff to.

The other day though, I read this quote that struck me as being worth repeating.  There was this girl called Mignon McLaughlin, who wrote both Neurotics Notebooks and she said that ‘true remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it’s a regret over motive.’  So, to honour that quote here are some things I said this fall that I should actually apologize for.

5 Things I’ve Said This Season That I Should Probably Apologize For

5) I fucking hate this place so much.

4) Those shoes make me want to have a seizure and then barf.  But the dress is nice.

3) Don’t you think you might want to brush your teeth?  Even coffee would make it better.

2) Some people are stupid and it’s not even charming.

1) I DO empathize.  I just don’t CARE.

I’m not going to add any context.  You can guess, if it gives you pleasure.  But these are all examples of things that I’ve said as a result of poor motives and refusals to behave according to the values that my parents instilled in me.  And I do apologize.  Sincerely.

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